The Road Less Traveled
I have read Mathew 19:10-12 many times, but, today, I saw something new. Don’t you love that about the Word of God? Don’t you love that It is alive, because He is His Word, and that with each reading, He reveals more, allowing us to go deeper and draw closer to Him? With each reading, as we become ready, He also divulges instruction for living. This time, as I read that passage of Scripture, I saw instruction for Singles, of which I am one. As an unmarried woman, I read the above mentioned Scriptures with both trepidation and excitement. I saw the death of one road in life for many of us, and I saw the amazing opportunity for a road less traveled opened up.
Before diving in, let me say that this blog is for single Christians. However, I believe that everyone can get something out of it; so married people, please don’t tune out. This could be some great info to share with the single people in your life.
Matthew 19:10-12 reads, “…If that is how things are between husband and wife, it would be better not to marry! He said to them, ‘Not everyone grasps this teaching, only those for whom it is meant. For there are different reasons why men do not marry - some because they were born without the desire, some because they have been castrated, and some because they have renounced marriage for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoever can grasp this, let him do so.’” THE COMPLETE JEWISH STUDY BIBLE
Before verse 10, we see Jesus giving instruction about marriage and divorce. The Pharisees and Sadducees were not pleased with His instruction that marriage should be permanent. They didn’t like the fact that any man who divorces his wife, except for adultery, commits adultery if he remarries, and that any man who marries the divorced woman is also committing adultery. Their statement to Him in verse 10 makes me believe that divorce was very common among them. That they were putting away, or divorcing their wives, for their own selfish reasons and not honoring the sanctity of marriage the way God intended. They cried out to Him, “if that is how things are between husband and wife, it would be better not to marry!” Jesus sets them straight by listing the type of people for whom the unmarried state would be best.
Those born without the desire.
Those who have been physically altered (castrated) OR damaged and cannot procreate.
Those who make the decision to stay unmarried for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven
We would call the people who fell into at least one of the above mentioned categories, Eunuchs. Historically, Eunuchs served kings and queens, and clung to the authority of their masters. If we look at this spiritually, the Eunuchs described above would serve the King of Kings, clinging to His authority, with the realization that it is also their’s to walk in.
Let’s look at these three types of Eunuch’s more closely.
1. THOSE BORN WITHOUT THE DESIRE:
Immediately after reading this part of those verses, my heart went out to those struggling with same sex attraction who are desperately crying out, “I was born this way!” Many of us Christians are uncomfortable thinking that the cry of the homosexual community could be true, and that they were truly “born that way.” There are men born without the desire for a woman and women born without the desire for a man, and it’s not a sin to be born that way. What has happened, is that instead of taking that lack of desire for the opposite sex and realizing that they were supposed to remain single and celibate for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven, they have instead turned to the same sex. We’ve been telling them that they can be healed from same sex attraction, and some have been. However, the other option, a Biblical option, is to help them celebrate the fact that they were born to stay unmarried for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. The problem is that most of us don’t think being a spiritual eunuch is a desirable state. Sex has become one of the most important things on the planet. Our commercials, TV shows, movies, books, magazines, etc are full of things that are designed to stimulate sexual desire in us, so telling someone that life long celibacy is a blessing becomes laughable.
God is not laughing and the world is a darker place because it is missing the gifts, talents, and service of its spiritual eunuchs who were born that way.
I pray that we as Believers begin to submit this option to those struggling with same sex attraction. Letting them know that even though they were born that way, born without a desire for the opposite sex, that taking the road less traveled, the road of being a spiritual eunuch, can bring purpose and amazing fulfillment to them.
There are, of course, straight people “born that way” too, Born without a desire for marriage. For those people, I pray that the Lord give you the courage to walk tall. There is nothing wrong with you. Actually, if there is something wrong with you, then there was something wrong with Paul, and I don’t know one Christian who would agree with that statement! If you are born without that desire, then choose to stand as a Spiritual Eunuch for God, and don’t give into the pressure from society to conform; either by marrying or by forgoing celibacy.
2. THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN PHYSICALLY ALTERED (CASTRATED) OR DAMAGED AND CANNOT PROCREATE:
Making eunuchs of men is a practice that, thank God, is no longer a “thing” in this world. However, there are people who have been damaged, hurt, or even suffered an illness that makes it so they cannot have sexual relations.
That has to be a devastating thing, especially for those who have had normal relations with people and then suddenly are unable to.
For these individuals, all I can say is that the Kingdom of God needs you!
You can produce fruit that will last for eternity.
You can experience an intimacy with the Lord that will bring fulfillment to your life.
You are not less than, half a man / woman, or useless. The Lord has a place for you and it’s BY HIS SIDE!
3. THOSE WHO MAKE THE DECISION TO STAY UNMARRIED FOR THE SAKE OF THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN:
There are people, like Paul the Apostle, who have made themselves spiritual eunuchs. They have determined within themselves that the best way for them to serve the Lord is to remain unmarried.
These people have the normal desire for sexual intimacy that most of us have, but have said in their hearts, “I sacrifice that and a married life for You, Lord!”
Below is a fourth category of people that I felt led to add.
4. THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE NOW BUT STILL DESIRE MARRIAGE:
I added this one in because I think it’s vital that single Christians mature in this area so that they can walk according to God’s will for them in regards to sexual intimacy.
Most days, I think I fall in this category, but every once in a while, I find myself wondering and desiring to stay unmarried for the sake of the Kingdom. However, for those who are sure they want to be married, you must come to the realization that as a single person, you are a spiritual eunuch and should live life that way. This applies to single men as well as single women. I felt inclined to say that because sometimes we wink at the sexual behavior of men before they get married. We don’t expect them to stay virgins or celibate. That’s wrong! God expects the same sexual purity from a man that He expects from a woman.
I understand that taking this road less traveled can seem lonely and frustrating. I also understand that it's lonely and frustrating because we haven’t submitted our sex life to the Lord, leaving it at the altar until it’s legal for us to enjoy, as part of a married couple.
Putting our sex life on the altar is not just a “one and done” type of thing. Because we are human, and because we are inundated with images on a daily basis designed to stimulate sexual desire, this is something we will have to do until the night of our honeymoon or the day Jesus calls us home. There may be months even years where that desire stays on the altar where it’s supposed to be, but during times of spiritual complacency, those desire come back to life. That’s when we have to kill them again, sacrificing them on the altar so that we can get back to a life of celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom.
Let me end by saying that none of the 4 states of being a eunuch that I just mentioned are easy. Sacrifice is never easy. The road less traveled is less traveled because it’s harder than the wide open road that everyone else takes. But, we serve a God who NEVER puts more on us than we can bear. There is a way of escape from the things that threaten our status as a eunuch. All we have to do is be willing to walk in that way, and our strength to do that comes from the level of intimacy that we have with the Lord. There are many ways to increase intimacy with the Lord, like prayer and worship. Another way that we can draw closer to Him to gain the strength to walk the road less traveled is through our devotion to Scripture. Joshua 1:7-9 says, “Only be strong and very bold in taking care to follow all the Word which Moses My servant ordered you to follow; do not turn from it either to the right or to the left; then you will SUCCEED WHEREVER YOU GO. Yes, keep this book on your lips, and meditate on it day and night, so that you will take care to act according to everything written in it. Then your undertakings will prosper, and you will succeed. Haven’t I ordered you, ‘Be strong, be bold?’ So don’t be afraid or down hearted, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
On those tough days that you will definitely have, remember this: “Faith believes despite the obvious. It remains tapped into Me. Honed in on the promises that I made” (from Pastors Brian & Candice Simmons (https://passionandfire.com/). So when the road less traveled gets hard and you become tempted to throw in the towel, remember that those desires are a testing of your faith. When the desire for a mate begins to overwhelm you and you are tempted to give into despair, remember His promise to you, and find strength to keep going.