CHANGING THE SCRIPT by Theresa Millett
This past week God has been speaking to me about narratives. As people, we love the power of storytelling. While we might become disengaged when it comes to the facts, we connect with stories. We are engaged, intrigued, inspired. Of particular interest as of late, is the stories we tell ourselves. Whether we realize it or not, there is an ongoing narrative that goes on in our minds. Our narrative strings each event together, every moment we experience. These narratives carry powerful messages that shape how we perceive our relationships, our circumstances, our world, ourselves and even God.
Believe it or not, our outlook on life is shaped less by the events that have happened to us and more by the narrative we choose to tell ourselves about these events. This is why two people can go through the same set of circumstances and be affected in totally different ways. Two people can experience a layoff. One can become discouraged and view it as, perhaps, an end to their dreams. Another can experience it as an opportunity to grow and expand their dreams. These two different outlooks are likely to create different realities.
I realize that I don’t like unknowns. When I encounter a gap in my story, I tend to rely on my own understanding to build answers, explanations, and ideas into my narrative that minimize the fear and uneasiness created by my uncertainty. I have become a master at reconstructing my narrative to suit however I am feeling. This brings with it an illusion of control. And although this sense of false control and mastery brings a temporary relief to my fear, it robs me of the discomfort and humility needed to stop relying on my own strength and fully embrace faith and trust in God.
My need to exert 100% control of the authorship of my narrative has brought some complications to my life. My need to understand exactly how each chapter of my life is strung together and put each connecting detail precisely in its place has caused me to jump to conclusions that minimize my true identity and short change the process of healing. I have at times written speculations, false assumptions and partial truths into my narrative, just to avoid the uncertainty of a blank page. Where God has chosen to patiently wait to reveal key plot elements, building slowly on concepts developed in previous chapters, I have rushed ahead desperate to turn the page. In the same vein, rather than allowing myself to take in the beauty of His narrative, at the pace He reveals it, I have tried to skip ahead and write chapters about seasons we haven’t approached yet. I have written fear and worry into the narrative about subjects and things that God hasn’t spoken on yet.
As we close out the summer, I am learning to embrace more unknowns in my narrative. I am learning to accept gaps and blank pages, in order that the true author of my life can write the narrative that He sees fit. It may require waiting and lots of faith on my part. It may necessitate some discomfort and certainly some loss of control, but I am recognizing that when I let Him write the narrative, I am released to simply enjoy my story and truly live my life.
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. (Psalms 139:16)